Managers as Children Part 2 – the Ram, Lakshman and Bharat Triangle

Bharat Milap in forest - Pinterest

My last post was about how Ramayan’s mothers shaped their sons’ characters and the kind of managers they would have grown up to be today. This post, is a bit longer than I would have liked it to be. So, everyone with short attention spans, or productivity goals, might want to read the last couple of paragraphs - promise not to take it personally.

For those of you who are game for the ride, in true episodic fashion, I will quickly re-cap their managerial types –

Manager Ram – sombre patriarch who takes himself and his work too seriously to really take a break himself, or cut anyone any slack.  

Manager Bharat – office politician who knows just how to work the system, get the work done, and get the credit and the popularity scores. He isn’t to be messed with given the grudges he can nurture.

Manager Lakshman – the work horse can be counted upon to deliver no matter the circumstances. He believes in doing what needs to be done and doing it, preferably with his team.

Now, we know the boys inherited their mothers’ character traits. In this piece, I would like to explore, if the stories their mothers told them could have affected their self-perception in later life.

The world of stories

Children have always been told stories for two major reasons; to pass down history and culture, and to impart values. As Suryavanshi princes, it would be safe to imagine the boys would have been brought up on stories of valour, victory, fighting demons, keeping promises, sacrifice, kingly duties and such.

Characters in these stories

Stories in which their ancestors would be heroes, who fought villains and saved the victims. Exciting as these would be to children, the construct of the 'hero-villain-victim triangle' is old and universal. From Indian Panchtantra and Jataka tales to Cinderella and Snow White, all adhere to this classic format so well explained in Karpmans’ Drama Triangle which I will use as a base.

Bringing stories to life – art of story telling  

While i may have broken down the elements of a story, true magic happens when the story teller sparks the audience’s imagination. This is where mothers, Kaushalya, Kaikeyi and Sumitra come in. Their different backgrounds, and temperaments would mean all three would have narrated the same stories in their own ways – pauses, emphasis, drama and deviations... It’s likely, they subconsciously led their audience to roles basis their own conditioning.

I will try to explain how, and maybe even stir some sentiments while I am at it –

Ram – Ramayan’s hero, was actually the 'Victim' in need of constant rescuing!

Kaushalya – probably emphasised, and herself exemplified the importance of ‘duty before self’ – Raghukul reeti sada chali ayi, pran jayi, par vachan na jayi (Raghukul kings rather sacrifice their lives than break promises)

Ram the Victim – was the sweet, sacrificial eldest brother (though all four were born around the same time). His father took away his crown, sent him into the forest. His wife was kidnapped by a demon king. He had to ask Sugreev for help, needed Vibhishan’s secrets to defeat Ravan… See what I mean?

When Victims become managers – the office ‘pleasers’ - always ready to help even if it comes at the cost of their own deliverable. They find it hard to say no, are easily bullied and emotionally blackmailed. Consequently, they end up biting off more than they can chew. ‘Poor me’, often finds himself at the receiving end of his boss or office bully (persecutor or Villain), or just doing the ‘wrong’ things. They possibly see themselves as unappreciated, over worked, bullied victims. This makes them ‘seek out’ Heroes to save them, if the Hero hasn’t already found them.

Can Victim’s be saved from themselves – well they can! I found The ‘Winners Triangle’ was a simple counter to refer to. People, or managers, with such mind-sets can start with becoming more self-aware (it’s tough)! They need to accept their weaknesses, identify behaviour patterns, and take responsibility (stop playing damsel in distress). They should then take small corrective actions with progress milestones. Finally, they should be encouraged to keep an eye on the final goal and avoid the trap of the self-pity.  

Victim brand marketing – was more prevalent until early 2000’s. Lice-infested girl in the playground, dark un-marriageable daughters, harried housewives without the whitest shirts... nice people who were ‘victims’ of uncontrollable factors. All of them had persecutors who bullied, shamed, or rejected them. The product played the Hero or rescuer. However, with the popularity of positive psychology, contemporary narratives avoid victimising and saviour searching.

You may wonder, if the obvious Hero turned out to be the Victim, then who was the 'real' Hero? Well, who stood by Ram through thick and thin, even at the risk of his own life? (Raghukul and commitments?)

Lakshman – popularly seen as Batman’s Robin, Lakshman is the ‘Hero’ to Ram’s Victim.

Sumitra – spiritual and wise, probably taught Lakshman that Raghukul stood up for the weak and helpless.

Lakshman the Hero – came to Rams defence against Vishvamitra when Ram broke Shiva’s bow. Unasked, he insisted on accompanying Ram and Sita in exile, also kept watch every night to protect them. He also reminded King Sugreev of his promise to help Ram… Righteous Lakshman was always rescuing Ram, and not the other way around! Hero Lakshman ‘needs’ Victim Ram to save, be relevant, and possibly avoid dealing with his own issues (insisted on going though he didn't need to).

When Heroes become managers – the ‘fire-fighters’. First line of defence; for the organisation, harried colleagues, or anyone else who they feel needs rescuing. These office superheroes are usually the dynamic rising stars and crisis managers. They are quick to come to the Victim’s rescue, and hold Persecutors accountable. They tend to thrive on adulation and hero-worship, which helps them hide or avoid personal inadequacies or issues from which they ironically can’t seem to save themselves.

How do we help the ‘compulsive’ saviour – these people should be encouraged to stop at caring and ‘helping’ and not ‘doing’. They need to understand that they cannot ‘solve’ things for others. Instead of ‘enabling’ the Victims, and creating co-dependencies, perhaps a ‘mentor’ or guide like approach may benefit both parties in the long run.

Marketing Hero brands – usually have problem-solution, saviour narratives. Toilet cleaners that save social embarrassment, pimple creams with miraculous results before a date, deodorants that attract potential mates... All products seeking out Victims who need rescuing from Villians or hopeless situations. However, of late many ‘saviour brands’ have fortunately begun stopping at ‘assistance’, and don’t ‘solve’ the problem - leaving the protagonists to close the loop themselves.

We now close the triangle with devoted Bharat, who refused to be King, even temporarily, on principle, out of stubbornness, and spite for his mother.

Bharat – the Persecutor or 'Villain' in this piece

Kaikayei – the temperamental, politically savvy, queen probably taught Bharat Raghukul’s politics and battle tactics.

Bharat the Persecutor – guilt-tripped Ram into giving him his share of mangoes in an archery contest so he would win. Condemned his mother for her politics, and blamed her for his father’s death, and sending his favourite brother in exile. Punished her, by not speaking to her for fourteen years, and not accepting the crown. Poor Kaikeyi - all for nothing!

When Villains become managers – are often the office bullies - easily identifiable with their controlling, critical, often vengeful nature. They are quick to blame, and find scapegoats for everything that goes wrong. They are set in their ways, and bully ‘Victims’. They smartly try to side-step, or neutralise ‘Heroes’ with their manipulative tactics. They fail, only because others let them down.  

How Villains can be reformed – this is tricky given their usually low levels of self-awareness (they are always right). They need to be reined in – told to be assertive and ‘ask’, and not get aggressive, pushy or vengeful. For Victims dealing with such colleagues, it is important to get as much clarity as possible about expectations - join the dots between what they think, say, mean, and actually want. Any slips will only be the Victims fault and unleash ‘deserved’ wrath of the Villain.

Villain brand marketing – is possibly the subtlest. They don’t directly judge or shame people, but make them fear they ‘might’ be! Such narratives usually position products as fool-proof, fail-safe, solutions even children (or husbands) could use. The obvious, or right choice of pressure cooker, soft drink, detergent or appliance. These narratives put the onus of failure on consumers – because the product itself is perfect, if not the best!

As I conclude this two part series, I may leave you feeling uncomfortable, seeing familiar characters through a new lens. It is not my attempt to ‘de-frame’ them, but to see them in a different context. While the characters have been viewed through a macro lens for the sake of simplicity, I assure you that characters keep switching between roles depending on situations.

By example (to sooth any ruffled feathers by categorising Ram as a Victim), Ram played Victim when he was exiled for no fault of his, however became Persecutor or Villain when he shot King Bali by stealth. He then played Hero by giving Vibhishan political asylum.  

I too have used the Ramayan symbolically, to convey a larger concept – of the strength and magnitude of maternal influence on a child’s life right into adulthood. Professional sphere is merely a ‘set’ for this play. Those missing a ‘father-figure’, the next post will try to include fathers too.

Until then, I hope you enjoy identifying Victims, Villains and Heroes in work situations and life. More importantly, I hope it helps you understand yourself a little better – as writing these pieces did for me. Until next time…